Today's Thought: Growing Up

I'm eighteen. This means I can vote, join the armed forces and die for this country, but I can't go out and have cocktails with my friends. This means adults think I need to grow up and take on responsibility one minute, but the next I'm asking to spend time with friends and my parents are concerned that I'll be too tired for church the next morning. There is a constant pull from both sides, alternately trying to coddle me and to help me mature.

In a nutshell: Growing up doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

The real question, which I'm sure everyone my age must ask at one point, is how to deal with the confusion and double standards, and somehow make it to the other side as a responsible adult. That is absolutely, completely terrifying.  There, I said it! When I talk to people my age in true moments of sincerity, they all agree that the process of transitioning from child to adult is the cause of panic attacks, sleepless nights, and tear-stained cheeks. Yet for some reason, admitting this seems to carry a bit of a taboo. We all feel it, and we know that many others feel the same way thanks to the world wide web, but it feels very distant. Our friends don't experience these things. Anonymous tweets and tumblr posts, sure, but not the people we see every morning in World Geography who always ace their tests and turn in their homework.

So much attention goes to social media for giving teens unrealistic expectations of how others live their lives, giving us rose-colored glasses to view glamorized versions of people, but perhaps the masks we put on for others do even more damage. We know that most people don't post their deepest problems on social media, so even if it feels like they have perfect lives we know in the backs of our minds this isn't actually true. When we see someone frequently in person, and they tell us the ups and the downs of their week, it feels vastly more authentic. We don't want to believe that these friends who have such a real relationship with us are hiding important aspects of their lives, even if we've done the same to them.

All too often have I faced the reality that I'm entering a time in my life which I'm entirely unprepared for. A significant portion of each day is spent worrying that I'll screw up. I won't be able to reach my dreams, and I'll end up struggling to make ends meet with an oppressive job which I only took to make rent. I don't want to be on my deathbed, realizing that I did nothing worth doing in my life. I wasted what little time I had on this earth doing something or other that didn't even matter.

What really bothers me, if you'll forgive me for switching topics rather ungracefully, is when adults listen to these complaints, then go off on a rant about how much harder life will become as we get older. That's the whole point! I, for one, am stressing so hard about college applications and using scholarships to avoid student loans because of how much these things will affect my future. I realize that everything I do now has a consequence, either positive or negative. I'm trying to explore new ideas and pastimes, trying to expand my personality and discover myself, but I'm afraid of unintentionally doing something that could block a relationship or career in the future. I absolutely know that life will get harder from here on out, and I often find myself sacrificing my happiness to make the next leg of my life as easy as possible.

I suppose there wasn't a specific point to my thought for the day. No hard-hitting question to end on. The real point is making myself heard, in one way or another.